Assemble wooden box from prepared sections or precut boards for use as shipping or burial case. Clamp and fasten precut boards together to form end, side, and bottom sections. Nail sections together using hand clamps, braces, corrugated fasteners, pneumatic hammer. Inspect hollow shell of insect in sawdust. Turn unit over, clamp and nail braces to boards to form top, and tack top to box. Trim and smooth edges and corners of assembled box, using hand plane, drawknife, sandpaper, lack of appetite, exhaustion, insomnia. Cut lumber and assemble lumber into a box, using handtools or power tools. Experience inexplicable feelings of worthlessness and guilt. Measure, mark, and saw boards to specified size, using ruler, pencil, and power saws. Assemble and nail boards together, using hammer, power stapler, nailing machine, anxiety, irritability. Repair damaged containers by replacing damaged parts, using handtools. Salvage used boxes by removing nails from board with hammer, nail puller, or crowbar, and by sawing ends with portable electric handsaw. Inspect partially or completely assembled boxes and crates for defects, such as cracks, knots, nicks, holes, difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions. Remove diagonally driven nails and drive in protruding nails, using hammer. Smooth rough spots and edges, using sanding block or wire brush. Reject substandard boxes and suicidal ideation. Using handtruck, convey assembled box to storage area. Note four white walls, fluorescent light, sealed lid.

© 2004 Christian Peet.
Originally published in Cranky